Friday, 18 March 2011

First real downtown day and I'm drained.  The past week has been one of scattered sleep.  I'm sitting in an electronics store.  We were hoping to find a kettle, but they are sold out.  The kettle has been our main saving grace - a brief respite from cold as we splash ourselves in our antiquated bathing system.

The days of not writing are grinding on me.  This is one of the few moments I've had to myself in a week.  I'm getting grumpy and snappy, especially at Mr S, whose jokes are wearing thin - mostly because he has a bag of favourites that he enjoys using over and over again.  The words "It's a biological attack!" weasel their way into every conversation and now have the effect of making me want to punch him.  Also, I seem to have become gas and food controller, cook and dishwasher.  Being the nagging matron makes me loath every careless light left on that I have to switch off, every time I have to switch off the gas mains, every dirty tissue that needs to be thrown away.  Just want to talk to someone other than Mr S for a few minutes. Haha.  They've just walked past me.

The afternoon was a good break.  Saw people I hadn't seen since The Event.  An overly long hug.  A kind individual who has more than their fare share of work let me bitch for half an hour.  Now that the leavers have left the city, a little of the tension has eased.  Although I was super tired today and the spicy ramen lunch did nothing for my tum tums (eventually caved and took a painkiller), I feel a little less wound up with waiting.

Threw a tantrum this morning when I knocked over the water I boiled for my basin bath.  A few days ago, the first basin bath was so delicious, but it's wearing thin and I just want to take a proper fucking shower.  Ooooh!  I'm circling the bottom of a mug of hot wine and it's shot straight through my head.  Still bubbling with nervous energy, but it's comforting to sketch the symbols of words across the page.

Other scenes from today?  Stew for breakfast - all those veggies.  Just make me feel better, like light in my tummy.  Shower - we've already covered that screaming match.  The kettle is leaking.  But, we've found the source and will glue it up.

Craving a square of breathing space, but, at the same time, with the subway not fully operational (I feel like I'm in an episode of Star Trek writing those words), I don't want to be alone yet.

The floor is squeaking in new places as Mr S washes the dishes - high pitched screams timed to hip hop beats, but he has his headphones on.  The urge to punch bounces in my palm.

A gathering of the last stragglers here tomorrow night.  A little wine.  A little release.

Dreamed of Ruby last night - well, him merged with Neil Gaiman, leading me through a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

What is up with this constant need for cooking?  Wish they would just put me to work in a kitchen somewhere.  I really hope that people come through tomorrow night.  I want a lot of people here to clear the space of all the kak heaviness.

Mr S is watching cricket.  Even on Saturday, when we still didn't have electricity and were conserving cell phone use, he checked the cricket score on his iPhone.

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Tuesday, 15 March 2011
Scavenging the vending machines for fluids.  I'm regretting every cigarette half-smoked or thrown away; food tossed out or over-eaten in binges - every little scrap wasted.  Ever.  The dilemma of standing in front of a vending machine, wanting to raid it for everything it's worth, but knowing that the streets are haunted with other desperate people.  And, they are standing behind me, pretending not to watch how much I'm taking.

We need to set up a rationing plan, make everything stretch.  Have to go down to the river and more water before the weather turns foul.  Fill the cistern.  Go down by myself, can't wait for Mr S.

Made my first real meal.  Veg and bean soup, rice and a cucumber and avo salad.  The constant nibble cravings for junk have subsided after having Food.

Living with Mr S is starting to grind my teeth.  It's been such a comfort having him here, but I feel like I'm having to nag so much - about conserving resources, keeping the apartment clean, eating the fresh food before the non-perishables, making things stretch, saving tea bags, not assuming that anything is disposable.

The waiting waiting WAITING!  Mr Australia and Super K left for Niigata early this morning.  They offered to take us with them, but we decided to stay.

Saw cars backed up waiting for gas today.  I wonder what happens if they run out.  A city of abandoned and rotting corpses of metal and rubber.

Sputtering pipes.  "Maybe the water is reviving," we hope.

Mr S is on the phone to a friend whose whole town is gone, though I'm sure they'll find a desk for her to sit behind for a few months.

A cup of secondhand tea.

We still had to take off our shoes when we went into the shelter.